Being an impatient person, I was not prepared to wait months for the Registrar to get back to me and I contacted Kay. I gave her the phone numbers and addresses that I had found for my birth mother's family, plus some extra ones that Carol had found for me. Kay rang people with that surname all over SA for me. She contacted one of them, who said he had had a sister called Marita, who had died in 1992, but he stated very firmly that she had been married when she had all her children. On the day that Kay e-mailed me with this information, I received the Minutes of my adoption which stated where my mother had lived at the time of my birth.

Kay had said to me, that we could not be sure the person who died was my birth mother. I e-mailed Kay with the information in the Minutes and she told me that once a birth mother has died, the Registrar would not do any searches for me. The reason being the birth mother is not there to defend herself and it could cause repercussions for the rest of their family, who might not know about the adoptee. This is fair enough, but not much consolation for the adoptee looking for their roots!

In my case, Kay recontacted the possible family member again and asked him if the address meant anything to him. This time he was far more friendly and suggested that Kay contact his sister, who also lives in in the same town.

She told Kay that she had known about my birth and that she was quite willing to answer any questions I might have. I rang my aunt on the same day and she told me all about my mother and my siblings. My aunt also contacted my siblings for me and the rest as they say is history.

Kay spent ages doing look ups on the electoral roles and ringing all over SA for me. I was dreading her final bill, but whatever it was, it would have been worth it. It finally arrived and bless her, she charged me only a few hundred rand and said she hoped it was not too much.

However confident an adoptee is in every day life, you become irrational in your search for your birth family, it is quite a scary process, as you have no idea what you are going to find at the end of your search. Having someone like Kay, makes life so much easier. She is a professional intermiediary, who takes away the strain of contact. She is also a very nice person who holds your hand through the whole process.

It has turned out to be a wonderful experience, not only have I found my birth family, but I have met so many wonderful people on the way. I will of course, also meet Carol when I am in Johannesburg, which I am really looking forward to. Thank you very much, I send you a big hug,

Back to top of page

Adoptees / Adoptive parents / Birth Mothers/Fathers /
Grandparents - the forgotten side of the triad / General Comments
Home Page