It is almost a year since we met our son S. He has met all the family including my mom, whom he totally rejects as any relative to him. He knows that when I was sent to St Claires home I was pretty much dropped off there until all evidence of my shame had been gotten rid of.

I think I have always blamed my mom for my having given up my baby.

Her first reaction when we told her I was pregnant was " oh no what will I tell all my friends" and, although I was never close to my mom ever - she, or my dad never came to me to say "would you like to keep your baby, or would you like us to keep him until you are able to look after him financially?". So I felt the whole thing was taken out of my hands. I was 17 and fresh out of school, what did I have to offer him? I could never have know either, that one day his dad and I would be married, so I signed those papers.

Now my mom cannot understand why my son will not accept her as his Grandmother. Didn't she give up that right to be called Gran as I did to be called mom?
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I also ache for S because he has never known a granny (even adoptive grandparents) and she is getting very old and I can only pray that by time he realises he has a gran it won't be too late for him to get to know her, and accept the things grannies do for the kids.

At the end of the day I signed those papers, and if I had any guts I could have said "to heck with the rest of the world I will go out on my own and show what I can do". I wonder what sort of life he would have had then. But he would have had all the love a mom can give.

We are fortunate enough to be enjoying a wonderful loving relationship with our son, and he with his brothers and sister. The immediate family circle at this time is very tight. The hurts he and I have are still there but are slowly being chipped away.

With love and best wishes Anon