When I was a little girl I had this romantic notion that when I was grown up I would adopt a child who really needed a home (I think I read too many stories about orphans in terrible situations). (Jacki's dream comes true)

About 3 years ago my husband and I decided we wanted to start a family of our own. I think I always wanted to be a mom and I was really excited. I was only 22, but I always wanted to be a young mother so I could grow up with my children. Anyway, nothing happened, we tried for a while, but I knew that something was wrong and we started with tests. The first tests showed that I have pollycystic ovaries which means that I don't ovulate. "That's not too bad" said the doctors "we can treat it with drugs."

I started a up and down cycle of hormones and hopes, but every time we were disappointed. After several failed attempts I went for exploratory surgery. This discovered that both my fallopian tubes were badly deformed and my chances of falling pregnant are nonexistent.

The only options open to me are I.V.F (which is very costly and has a low success rate) and adoption.

I want a baby more than anything else in the world. Every time I see a toddler, or a pregnant lady it hurts.

I suppose I'll just have to wait, and take it as it comes, but with the increase in the amount of abortions happening all the time, it looks like it will be a long wait. I know that things always work out in the end, but that is a small comfort at the moment.

Thank you for your time and for giving me a chance to write this all down.

REPLY No. 1:

Submitted by Alison, Harare, Zimbabwe

Hi Jackie,
I just wanted to write and somehow hope you find comfort as I did reading your note that there are people out there going through the same thing and sharing in the same pain and also at a young age.

I have just turned 29 and my husband I recently tried (ICSI) treatment. You are right it was very very expensive and it failed. The treatment took about three months of tablets, hormone injections, theatre visits, pain, nausea, hope, tears, everyday seemed a struggle and then the disappointment.

I, like you know that things always work out in the end but it is hard to wait and hard to decide what to do next. After trying for so long I often wonder 'what now, what next, where does my life go from here'? I lost my parents at a very young age and so having children and creating what I did not have was so important to me - now that has been taken away from me.

I am pleased though that at least we found out young enough that we could not have children - at least we have time to decide on where to go from here.

We have talked about adoption but that too is so scary and so many questions like 'what if they reject you in favour of their birth parents when they are old enough', 'how long will the wait be' etc.

I know everything happens for a reason and perhaps one day we will both know the reason why. Until then I hope you too can look at the positive things that you and your husband have in your lives ... I know this is difficult ... and some days it all looks bleak but I am now comforted that I am not the 'only one' suffering and I hope you can feel that too.

REPLY No. 2:

Submitted by Joanna Jones, South Africa

Hi Jackie,
I work for an organisation that finds families for newborn, abandoned babies. Our main aim is to get babies out of institutions and into families, we therefore try to keep costs at a minimum.

Our babies are all either black or coloured. Personally that is not a problem and I have in fact adopted two little boys of my own (now age 5 years and 18 months), as well as having a 4 year old who is my biological son. If you feel you and your husband might be interested in providing a family for one of our babies, please contact me tlc@pixie.co.za.

You can find out more about us from our website at http://www.tlc.org.za. We are based in Johannesburg, but should be able to work something out for you if you are interested. If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact me. What ever you decide, I wish you well in the fulfilment of your dreams.

REPLY No. 3:

Submitted by Debbie, New Zealand

Dear Jackie,
I know what you are going through, and all I can say that all good things come to those who wait. It was a lesson that I had to learn, but my patience won, and today we are blessed with a beautiful son. We suffered the loss of 4 children through miscarriage, (pregnancies were between 18 and 24 weeks), and we also 'lost' a child through an adoption gone wrong.

The birth-mother took the baby back after a week.

But, 6 months after our final heartbreak, we were blessed by adopting a beautiful boy, at the age of 5 days. He is our delight, our world. Do try adoption. It is a long wait, and often very fustrating, but in the end, worth all the tears and waiting and questions, etc.

We adopted our son through the Adoption Centre, Claremont, Cape Town. The social workers there are wonderful people. I would go through it all again, to have a sister/brother for our son, but we emigrated to another country, and had to put our wants and needs on hold for now.

Good luck and don't ever give up hope.
Regards
Debbie

REPLY No. 4:

Submitted by Anon

Dear Jackie,
My wife and I have just adopted a beautiful 7 month old boy, what joy! We have been married for 9 yrs and could not conceive. The decision to adopt came upon us quite suddenly and we are thoroughly enjoying him. Point I am trying to make is that scary as it may seem initially to adopt, in the end it is just this tiny bundle of joy and he / she will ultimately become what you and your husband put into him / her.

I imagine that it is the same as when one has a child biologically ( note, I now also have a child though not biologically but it makes him no different than any other child in the whole world.)

I would like to encourage both of you to explore the possibility of adoption. Both of you seem caring, loving and capable of giving both yourselves and an unwanted child out there an opportunity in a lifetime.

REPLY No. 5:

Submitted by Joanna Jones

Jacki is probably very busy at the moment so I thought I would put a little note in here on her behalf.

Jacki was due to come and visit us (TLC Ministries) a week or two ago, but she e-mailed us on the day she was going to come to say she couldn't make it because she had just bought home HER BABY!!!

Congratulations Jacki... we wish you and your family a wonderful future.

And from the Adoptee-Search website too! May you put all you've learned here into practice. Love and light to you.

POSTSCRIPT FROM JACKI:

Submitted by Jacki

Hello there I just thought to send a little note to say that my dream has come true. Five months ago, just when I though I could not wait another moment, I got that much awaited phone call telling me that I could come and fetch my little daughter. She was 13 days old and just the dearest little thing. I have enjoyed every moment (even the sleepless nights) and things could not be better. I hope that everyone who has ever longed to have a child could experience the joy that I have. It really was worth the waiting no matter how long and painful.
Little Kennedy is truly a bundle of joy and I am truly blessed.

Thank you all for your comments and support
Jacki, Cape Town

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