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When my daughter told me she was pregnant, my immediate reaction was one of shock and disbelief |
| She wasn't married and that meant the child would be illigimate. What would my friends and colleagues think? How would I tell her father? The embarrassment of what my daughter was putting me through was too dreadful to contemplate. The next morning at breakfast, my husband was stony faced. He refused to speak to our daughter and when she fled from the table, obviously suffering from morning sickness, he slammed out of the house. The tension in our house was awful. We booked our daughter into St Claire's Home for Unmarried Mothers (even the name had ghastly connotations) and sent her to an aunt in South Africa to wait out the pregnancy, away from anyone who knew her and would find out what she had done. Now, 25 years later, I bitterly regret my reaction. If I could only turn back the clock. I should have been there for her as I was for the "legitimate" grandchildren. What right did I have to condemn my child? I have tried to speak to her about it, and tell her I'm sorry, but she refuses to discuss it. So, my darling child, if you're reading this, I'll tell you in front of the whole world, I love you, and I'm sorry for the way I treated you.
Terese of USA replies: I have wanted to be in touch with other grandparents that have been faced with your very issue. After reading your story I felt a strong need to reply. My husband and I were faced with your circumstance 10 years ago. My daughter was very young when she had our grandson, who has since been adopted by us. Please hear me when I say, I do know and understand the dynamics of your situation. We had scant to no communication with our daughter for some years after. Trust me when I say your daughter I believe loves you very much, just at this time is unable to come forward and face you, or deal with the situation. I , now after 10 long years am forming a relationship with my child. I, need to say to you, hind site is 20,20, however the decisions you made at the time were the decisions you had to make, or needed to make, so they were the right decisions. I hope we can stay in touch, certainly if you desire, as a support for each other. Adoption was not an easy decision for us, but we made the decision.
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