Please Listen to me...

Words of Encouragement to Adoptive Parents

Submitted by An Adoptive Mother

I just want to encourage those of you who have adopted children - I know the heartache and pain and disappointment you go through trying to concieve. My husband and I waited 9 years, having had 8 miscarriages and 1 almost full term birth daughter who only lived a few hours. Early on in our marriage we decided to put our names down for adoption. We heard so many stories of the difficulties of adopting children in Zimbabwe(Rhodesia at that time). Our doctor was a wonderful encouragement. We went ahead and finally got the long awaited call to collect our daughter. She was just 10 days old when we got her. We then put our names down for a further child and 2 years later got another call asking if we would like another daughter even though we had said we would like a son. Naturally we said yes.
What a joy both girls have been to us.
Recently our eldest daughter found her birth father and through this web site they met and were reunited. It wasnt easy for us to sit back and watch. Our daughter then flew out to New Zealand to be with him and his family. She has decided to make her home there but that does not stop us loving her.We miss her dreadfully but firmly believe God gave her to us to love and nuture and bring up. We were so blessed. There have been times of tears asking why the heartache when she met up with her birth father. She did not want us to meet him (he flew to London to initially meet her) - that really hurt, but we respected her opinion and are so glad now. It has taken time but we now have a good reltionship with her birth father and rejoice that he can get to know her and make up for some lost time. She has also found grandparents she did not know she had and that has been a source of joy to them as well. She has spoken to her birth mother on the telephone and hopes one day to meet her as well.

Can I say to you - don't be scared to adopt - but please be honest. Our social welfare worker told us to start telling our girls when they were two weeks old. It sounds crazy but it was so hard to do initially. Eventually it became part of us and so neither girl never knew a time when they did not know they were "special". We have always prayed for their birth parents on their birthdays as I am sure they have never forgotten them.

Thank you to their birth mothers who had the courage to give them up - you have given us a gift more precious than you will ever know. We tried always to keep an open and honest policy of helping them to find their birth parents - its not eay with the records in Zimbabwe but it is possible. This site is a very good place to start. One daughter desperately wanted to find her birth parents, the other has no desire, and we respect their decisions.
From a truly grateful adoptive mother.